Couples Therapy

Relationship work is a particular passion of mine. I'm drawn to it because of how central these bonds are to our wellbeing, and how much it can hurt when they feel out of reach. I find it deeply meaningful when partners start to be vulnerable and honest with each other, after months or years of doing a million other, often destructive, things to express that vulnerability without ever quite landing on it. So much of what looks like conflict is really two people not knowing how to reach for each other. When partners can finally be direct, and actually feel heard, the whole pattern between them can change.

By the time most couples come to therapy, they're not really in conflict about the things they're arguing about. They're caught in a cycle of pursuit, withdrawal, escalation, and distance that's left them both feeling alone. The arguments are real, but the underlying pain is usually something different.

I draw from several evidence-based modalities, including the Gottman Method, but the primary approach I use is Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which helps you step back from the conflict and look at what's driving it. When partners can see the pattern clearly, and understand what each of them is actually needing, things start to shift.

Is couples therapy only for couples in crisis?

Not at all. Couples who feel reasonably stable but want to deepen their connection can benefit just as much as those who come in at a breaking point.

When is the right time to start couples therapy?

Earlier than most people think. Couples therapy is often most effective before problems become entrenched. If you're noticing recurring arguments, growing distance, or a sense that you keep having the same conversation without resolving it, that's a good time to reach out. You don't need to be on the brink of separation to benefit. Coming in earlier often means fewer patterns to untangle and a quicker path to feeling reconnected.

What if my partner doesn't want to come to couples therapy?

This is common, and individual therapy can sometimes be a useful starting point. Relationships work a bit like a dance. When one partner changes their steps, the other partner tends to shift, too, and doing things differently on your end can be enough to change the pattern between you.

Individual therapy can also help you clarify what you want or help you prepare for possible future couples work once your partner is ready.

My Partner Refuses to Go to Couples Therapy. What Do I Do? | Psychology Today

What should we expect a session to be like?

My couples therapy sessions are structured but not rigid. My role is to help you slow down a recurring moment of conflict or distance and look at what's actually happening underneath it, which is rarely the argument itself and much more often the feelings, fears, and needs driving it.

Over time, you'll learn to speak from that deeper place with each other. That shift changes the quality of the conversation, and the quality of the connection. Sessions typically run 55 minutes and take place weekly, especially in the early stages of the work.

I offer a free 15-minute video or phone consultation. It's a chance to talk through what's been going on and get a feel for whether working together makes sense.

Curious about the EFT approach? Learn more about EFT.